by Joe Pignataro and John Dingeldei PERFORMANCE Life changing events If you survey people how they spend their time, how much they Joe’s story exercise, how healthy they eat or almost any topic you name, there will be large discrepancies between people’s answers and their On August 17, 2013 life as I knew it changed forever. observed behaviours. Market researchers are acutely aware of the potential flaws in surveys but most people don’t realise how often we At the completion of my schooling life at St Bernard’s College I “struck kid ourselves about things. gold” meeting the right people that put me on the path of working in the media which I had dreamed about since I realised my AFL career And we keep on kidding ourselves until we are confronted with reality. wasn’t going to come to fruition. From the minute I set foot into SEN If we are lucky, the confrontation comes in time to change unhealthy radio I did whatever it took to make every post a winner. Voluntary or performance limiting behaviours before the consequences are work, unpaid shifts, hours and hours on end just to get a look in and irreversible. an opportunity granted to few people. Death is a confronting life changing event. The following personal While I moved forward and started to “succeed” in my chosen career, stories from SEN Radio Melbourne producer, Joe Pignataro and I fell behind and got lost in all other aspects of life. I didn’t make time Orangehammer adman, John Dingeldei reveal how perspectives to allow the social aspects of life develop. My local level football career change when death comes knocking and offer insights on ways to diminished each day as I added unwanted kilos to my body. I became improve personal and professional performance. tired, stagnant and within my own mind - quite boring. leapperformance.com.au 2 PERFORMANCE On August 17, 2013 the world was hit with the tragic news that 22 12 months. My teenage experiences with Chris, the profound impact year Australian baseballer Chris Lane was murdered in the American he had on me in life and through his passing. The simple yet special town of Duncan in Oklahoma while he was going for a run. Chris was values with the most beautiful people I learnt while doing Kokoda. born & bred in Melbourne, a true larrikin, Chris barracked for West Coast in the footy, Chris was a keen baseballer, Chris was a Bernard’s The book “Finding Myself - A Journey of a Thousand Miles begins with boy, Chris was my best friend. a single step” is a very personal journey that I’ve taken and decided to write about. They may be clichés but I’ve learned that life’s too It completely shattered me and filled me with the deepest regret that short to leave important words unsaid. I’ve lost my filter to hold back my best mate will never know how I felt about him. I’d give anything to or only say the right things to impress people. People aren’t going to get a few moments back with my mate to tell him how big an impact know if you’re not speaking up. No one is a mind reader. he had on me. I wrote in my book that Chris may well have lived with the motto From the initial shock I then decided that I would do whatever it takes “You only get the best out of others when you get the best out of to skew the balance of working life with social life. In October 2013 you” whether he did or didn’t that’s what he displayed when I was I was to go and walk Kokoda as a holiday and get away from work in his presence and every day when I wake up I do whatever it takes for 2 weeks. After being hellbent on cancelling my trip because I felt to make sure I take those few words with me into my days. I’ve I needed to be here in Melbourne, I decided against that, would go dedicated the book to Chris, with all proceeds from sales going to the walk the track and dedicate my trip to Chris. My Kokoda trip was the Chris Lane Memorial Fund. My website is www.jpfindingmyself.com most amazing thing I have ever done for me in my life. I’m still in awe and the book is $15. of how unbelievably brilliant it was. Trying to find the good in every moment, living in the here and now When I got back to Melbourne I decided to put my trip into writing are so much more easily said than done. By doing so opportunities and put together a book of how my life has played out across the past aren’t missed and chances are taken. It’s a beautiful thing. leapperformance.com.au 3 PERFORMANCE John’s story When I first became friends with Peter, it was his spontaneous love of fun and living that I liked most. He got on with life and never put off At a relatively young age, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. My doing what he really wanted to do. Peter didn’t have a bucket list when doctor told me that most people usually don’t hear anything the given his terminal prognosis because he had already done everything. doctor says after being given the “c” word as a diagnosis because they Sure, there are still things he’d like to do but he’s never put off anything are filled by fear. Fortunately for me, I had the benefit of the wisdom he really wanted to do. from my best mate from school days, Peter who was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer almost five years earlier. Knowing what you really want is the secret to living a full life. Peter was always clear about what he wanted in his career, his family, his social life, I knew that catching the cancer early meant I was more likely to die financial and physical well being. I have learned that writing lists of what with prostate cancer than from the disease itself. The prognosis for you want in all these areas helps make them real. The more specific you Peter wasn’t the same. His cancer has a survival rate after five years of are the more real they become. And the more regularly you refer to about one in ten. Through Peter’s positive attitude and determination the list, the more likely you are to action the things on it. But don’t view he survived the traumatic operation, chemotherapy and debilitating it as a ‘bucket list’ or something to do when you’ve got time. If you want treatments. Five years later he celebrated being the one in ten, to get them most out of life, make your lists ‘to do’ lists. And prioritise believing he had made a full recovery. Then on his 57th birthday these lists according to what is important to you not others. Peter’s doctor told him the cancer had returned and the prognosis was three to nine months - it was terminal. Sometimes we kid ourselves and prioritise work or play or urgent but unimportant things we think we ‘should’ do as determined by others, Through my own situation and from Peter I have gained insights I fashions, peer or family pressures. Be true to yourself, which may well might not otherwise realised. My life has changed for the better as a mean prioritising friends, family, work or other activities, but evaluate result and there are lessons that can be shared. your actions against how you would like you epitaph to read then act as if you only have three to nine months to live. leapperformance.com.au 4 PERFORMANCE If you live that way you don’t waste time and energy on things that How will you spend your last days? If you knew you only had three to don’t matter. It forces you to live in the ‘now’. There is no point living nine months left would you do what you are doing now? If you are in the past or dwelling on what might have been.The only thing the putting off something important why are you not acting on it now? past can contribute to life is to inform the decisions you make today. It Is it that it is not as important you think? You are exactly where you is the decisions you make today and the actions you take now that will want to be right now because only you have the power to change it - determine your future. If your head is in the future, second guessing what no one else can. might be, you are likely to miss opportunities to get the most from life now like watching your kids learn and achieve, telling your best friends In his last days, Peter has his affairs in order and he wants his passing what they mean to you or simply enjoying sunshine by being present and to be as magnificent as his life has been. His cancer is the type where aware of every moment. After all each moment is all we ever have. he faces and undignifying death by inches of increasing pain. He doesn’t want to drip out on the end of a morphine tube with his That doesn’t mean we don’t benefit from plans and goals for the family’s last memories of him in death not resembling the person he future. You probably know now what you want the future to look is in life. So Peter has put his remaining energies behind the battle for like because it is based on your past experiences good and bad from legislation to give terminally ill people the choice to die with dignity which you shape the future by the decisions and actions you take and gives us all the option of medically assisted death. now. So take a moment to list those things you want to do. Be more conscious and specific about what you desire. Peter will leave a legacy by his courage and example in life. Perhaps he is fortunate to know his time horizon. Maybe that is because he Another performance limiting factor is being too attached to a way chose to live a magnificent life before his cancer and after the initial of being, a way of thinking, people, possessions, lifestyles. You see life changing diagnosis he made improvements that have enhanced his everything is temporary, even life itself so be willing to let go of any life in the past five years. You don’t have to face a life-changing event attachment you have and you will open your life to opportunity and to change your life. You can start now. greater possibility. Most limits are self-imposed. leapperformance.com.au 5 PERFORMANCE Click here for more articles from Leap Performance Copyright © 2014 Leap Performance, All rights reserved. LEAP PERFORMANCE Email: [email protected] leapperformance.com.au Designed by Orangehammer advertising marketing branding coaching PERFORMANCE leapperformance.com.au 7 PERFORMANCE Elite sports people t Performance psychologists t Business coaches Adam Gilchrist Michael O’Loughlin Alan Rodway Layne Beachley Nicloe Livingstone Simon Madden Jude Bolton Steve Moneghetti Peter Worsfold Liz Ellis Stephen Atkinson Sue Stanley Ryan Waight Pippa Grange John Worsfold Phil Jauncey All organisations are different, so the coaching we provide is arise, etc. This is one of our strengths… our ability to adapt tailored to match the needs of each. The first steps are to ‘listen’ quickly and effectively. We also expect to sensibly change up our to the organisation in initial meetings, to understand their current coaching team throughout the engagement, to deliver the best reality, including the biggest opportunities and problems. 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