Cornerstone Volume: 5 Issue: I October 2014 Director’s Cut Welcome back to the Cornerstone Quarterly! The Youth and Family Alternatives Adoption Program is just about to begin our sixth year here in Circuit 5. Wow! Does time fly fast or what?! Over the course of the past five years we have found forever homes for just under 1,000 (988) children overall and received Adoption Credit (something that the Department of Children and Families monitors) for 858. However, our job isn’t over until we have found a forever family for every child, so if you know anybody remotely thinking of adopting please send them our way. I also want to point out that even with the most dedicated and hardworking staff that we do have, none of the successes could have been possible without you, the adoptive parents AND our children willing to take a chance to love again. On that note, I want to remind everybody that November is National Adoption Awareness Month. During the month of November, YFA will be holding an Adoption Appreciation/Awareness Event in each of the five counties we serve (Hernando, Lake, Sumter, Marion and Citrus) with the exception of Citrus County as they will hold theirs at the end of October due to scheduling conflicts. Please make sure you contact your local YFA Adoptions office (Marion— 352 547-3750; Hernando/Citrus—352 277-5860; and Lake/Sumter—352 253-5625). You can also visit our YFA Adoptions Facebook page for updated information. These events are only made possible by the generous donations of both large and small businesses/agencies and individuals within your county. At each event we will have lists of those donors for your county. If possible, please make sure to thank them for their support of adoption. As everybody knows, October 31st is Halloween. Please make sure your little ghosts, goblins, super hero’s and princesses stay safe by having them carry a flashlight, glow stick or wear some type of reflective tape. Make sure your child is old enough and responsible enough to go out by themselves, and, if not, a responsible adult stays with them at all times and to stay in those areas that are well lit and not “off the beaten track”. Thank you and Happy Halloween! Glenn Henson Director of Adoptions Program Circuit 5 Youth and Family Alternatives, Inc. Like us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/yfaadoptions The Mercer Miracle Written by: Vanessa Ward Kent and Lisa Mercer of Ocala, FL adopted Jenny, age 13, from foster care in March of 2014. The Mercers wanted to expand their family and knew that there were so many kids in need of a good, loving, stable home environment so they can learn what unconditional love is. Lisa Mercer said, “During my research on the adoption process in 2012, Youth and Family Alternatives, Inc. kept coming up everywhere I turned. We knew we wanted to adopt from the Florida Foster Care system, so Youth and Family Alternatives, Inc. was the logical answer for us since that is all they deal with.” The Mercers felt they were past the 'baby' stage and felt ready to meet children between the ages of 5-16. When they saw Jenny in a picture for the first time in May 2013, it was love at first sight! Lisa looked at the picture, turned to her husband and said, “look...it's our first picture of our daughter!!" (Continued on Page 4) Page 2 Cornerstone Meet Jacob Jacob is a 2 ½ year old Caucasian male child with fair skin and light brown hair. He has brown eyes and smiles easily once he gets to know you. His giggles and bright eyes just draw you in. Jacob is able to walk and can speak only a few words, but he does understand simple instructions. A specialist is helping his foster mother to teach Jacob some sign language such as “more” and “eat”. While Jacob is behind his peers in many milestones, he is making progress. Walking has been a challenge, and his foster mother has helped him significantly. He also attends therapy twice a week. Currently, Jacob does not attend daycare as his foster mother takes care of him full time. Jacob has been diagnosed with a genetic condition in which a chromosome is missing. The main characteristic of the disorder is disrupted sleep patterns, where the person will stay awake much of the night or have periods where they only sleep a little. Jacob has already begun to have trouble remaining asleep at night. Other characteristics include having dysmorphia (an abnormality in the shape or structure of the body or muscles), short stature, developmental delays, mild to moderate intellectual disability, hearing loss and/or vision problems. Jacob will need a family that is able to help Jacob with therapy. Currently, he attends therapy twice a week – physical, speech, and occupational – all designed to help him increase motor control. He has poor fine motor skills but his gross motor skills are improving. Jacob is able to show affection and has a strong bond with his foster mother and his grandmother. Since his grandmother has been one of the few constants in his life, we believe that maintaining regular contact with her is important for Jacob. The family selected for this wonderful child will need to allow regular visits between them. Trainings and Resources The Florida Adoption Reunion Registry (FARR), which is administered by the Florida Department of Children and Families (DCF), was established more than 30 years ago in an effort to assist adoptees and those affected by adoption to have an opportunity to reunite. For a one time registration fee of $35, which may be waived in certain circumstances, two registered individuals affected by adoption may have an opportunity to reconnect with each other. The registry is not meant to be a routine search, and is only effective when two or more registered individuals initiate a search through the registry. Those eligible to participate in the registry include adults who were adopted as children, birth parents, biological siblings, adopted parents on behalf of their adopted children, as well as other various birth relatives. The registry has grown significantly over the years, with upwards of 10,000 people currently being listed on the registry, and with up to eight reunions taking place monthly as a result of registry efforts. In order to register for the registry, please click on the following link to print out the application form. By Rick Manuel http://www.adoptflorida.com/ FARR_Application.pdf In order to update personal information on the registry, please click on the following link to print out the application to update information. http://www.adoptflorida.com/ FARR_Application_%20Update.pdf Volume: 4 Page 3 Issue: 1III EMPLOYEES OF THE QUARTER Congratulations to Kathy Dentato Kathy has accepted a case load of teens, most who have been in care for years and either do not desire to be adopted or have significant needs, making it difficult to recruit for these kids. Kathy is very genuine, caring, and delicate when speaking to these teens. She always listens to their concerns and sometimes off the wall expressions of their wants. When she had a child who was released from jail and has a known history of running, Kathy took special care and time to speak with the child several times in one day and spoke with group home staff to ensure this child remained safe and stable in her placement. Later that night the child called on-call to say she was thinking of running. Even though Kathy was not on call, she responded to her emails and took it upon herself to call the placement and the child to find out how she could help calm the youth down. On the weekend the child did run away and Kathy again responded, went to the office to get her computer, completed all the required notifications and forms on her weekend off. Kathy has really gone above and beyond for these teens when they really need a “mom” to talk to. She is always willing to help and follow up however she can. She was even going to do her own supervision of a child who was across county lines, just so the child would not have a new person coming out to see her. Kathy has done an outstanding job, and we are very thankful and lucky to have her working with our kids. I want to recognize Kathy for being an exceptional co-worker. As we all know, Kathy has acquired some of Hernando’s tougher children to deal with. Being Kathy’s office neighbor, I get to hear many conversations with these kids. She is always kind and soft spoken with them and you can tell by her calm tone that she genuinely cares about what happens to them, even when they are not so nice to her. She doesn’t leave during an emergency situation because it’s 5pm with the attitude of, “the on call worker can handle it”. She tries to get everything tied up so that no one else has to take over when she goes home. She is a kind and caring individual, and it is refreshing to have a conversation with her on a regular basis as well. Kathy is a pleasure to work with. We would also like to take a moment to recognize Rachel Fanganiello (Hernando/ Citrus), Shannon Cantwell (Marion), and Kim Weise (Lake) who were also nominated this quarter for their outstanding dedication. Kathy, on behalf of all of your children, your peers and YFA as a whole, we thank you for everything you do! Your dedication shows proves that its not just a job or paycheck. Our program staff are truly committed to our youth. We also wish to congratulate all of our nominees! Post Adoption Services By: Ashley Young The foundational issue for children with attachment difficulties ‘AD’ is not love, but safety. Which is why most AD children present as being too guarded or distrustful to receive love and support. It is this pursuit of safety that leads AD children to be strategic and controlling. Control is not the problem but a symptom of the underlying issue which is safety. AD children’s boundaries can very from completely absent to defensively rigid. The rigid boundaries are a defensive veneer to mask to the emotional fragility that lies Boundaries in a child with Attachment Difficulty underneath. AD children are vulnerable to merger/fusion fantasies such as they fear “being taken over by another.”The fear is usually managed through oppositional behaviors. Insufficient boundaries leaves AD children open to absorbing the emotional states of others and acting them out, or attributing their own affective states to others. AD children are frequently mixing up “inside and outside”. They can be oblivious to others’ personal space. They don’t understand the concept of personal ownership and are susceptible to presuming on others’ possessions simply because they want them. Due to this reason, they may exhibit a varying degree of hoarding. All these boundary problems can wreak havoc in the home environment. Simply imposing consequences is not likely to help. AD children need overt instruction in the concept of boundaries. Smith, L. (2013). Parenting the Child with Attachment Difficulties HELP FOR TODAY, HOPE FOR TOMORROW Some Trick or Treating Safety Tips for children and adults The Mercer Miracle (Continued from page 1) When they finally met her in July 2013, the Mercers knew she was their daughter. Just one year later Lisa says “it feels like she has been with us forever!” To anyone who has thought about adopting a child from foster care the Mercers say, “don't hesitate!! It is a lot of hard work and there is some heartache, but it is so worth it to see how they flourish and grow and learn to love again. Adoption has even taught me that I can be stronger than I ever thought imaginable!! You actually grow a little while your child is growing, and to feel that unconditional love for another human being is just one more sacrifice you are willing to make for them and when they learn to love you back...that is the ULTIMATE reward!!!” Never go into a strangers house for treats unless your parents are with you and say that it's okay. Always make sure that your mom or dad is within sight when you go out trick-or-treating. Be careful when you cross a street. Make sure to look in both directions for oncoming traffic. If you’re a parent, take your child’s hand. If you’re an older sibling, and have a younger sibling with you, take their hand and help them get across the street, too. Even if there is a crosswalk still check both ways before you cross. Make sure that your costume fits properly to avoid any accidents like tripping over a long dress or cape. Make sure that it is comfortable since it will probably be worn for several hours. Do not include high heel shoes or long dangling pieces of costume that could be tripped over. If your child is wearing a mask make sure that the eye holes are big enough to see not only in front but peripherally as well. You may have to cut them open further yourself. If so, you can use some black or gray grease paint around the eye socket to cover skin. Try to work reflector strips into your child's costume, a flash light or light stick to make them more visible at night. This will make them more visible by drivers and you can keep an eye on them as well if they get ahead of you while out trick or treating. Instruct your children not to eat any treats until they bring them home to be examined by you. This way you can check for any problem candy and get the pick of the best stuff! Don’t cut through back alleys and fields. Make sure you stay in well lighted, populated areas and don’t go off the beaten path. Lake County: Location: Liberty Baptist Church 11043 True Life Way Clermont, FL 32711 When: Fourth Monday of each Month Hernando County: Location: First United Methodist Church of Spring Hill 9344 Spring Hill Drive Spring Hill, FL 34608 When: Second Monday of each Month (*Postponed Until To RSVP: Ashley Young 352-547-3750 Families Sign up) Marion County: Location: Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic Church 10670 S.E. Maricamp Road Ocala, FL 34472 When: Second Thursday of each Month Citrus County: Location: First United Methodist Church of Inverness New Covenant Grace Fellowship 2991 E Thomas St Inverness, FL 34453 When: First Monday of each Month Youth and Family Alternatives, Inc. Locations Corporate Office: 7524 Plathe Road New Port Richey, FL 34653 (727) 835-4166 Marion County Office: 1017 NE 14th Street Ocala, Fl 34470 (352) 547-3750 Hernando/Citrus Office: 19245 Cortez Blvd Brooksville, Fl 34601 (352) 277-5860 Lake/Sumter County Office: 880 Duncan Drive Tavares, Fl 32778 (352) 253-5625