Body Language in Confrontational Situations

Body Language in
Confrontational Situations
Adapted from a Doctoral Dissertation Research
Project
Bachem Baruchbar (M.S. Communications) INIS
Margott Heinz-Chaffe (M.S. Clinical Psychology) FBI Ret.
Dennis Moon (M.S. Forensic Psychology) USMS Ret.
Definitions
• Body Language - How you physically present
yourself to others. Body language has been proven to be
an extremely powerful viewer into the inner workings of
the human psyche.
• Confrontation - A stressful, generally unwanted
combination of emotional, verbal, mental, or physical
assaults upon a person or persons senses. Confrontation
usually engenders human emotions such as fear, anger,
disgust, superiority, inferiority, sexual aggression, anguish,
and self -doubt to name a few.
Types of Body Language
• Positive - Usually creates a non-threatening, bonded,
mutual relationship between parties involved in a
confrontational situation.
• Negative - Usually intensifies the already present
emotional negativity found in most confrontational
situations.
• Neutral - Usually has little or no effect on conflicted
parties in a confrontational situation.
Body Language Top Ten Quick
List for Sports Officials
Positve Body Language
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Head Level
Eye Contact
Hands Down
Palms Open
Feet Shoulder Width
Head Cocked
Arm fold with Chin Touch
Lean in
Nod head
Rub Hands to end
Neg Body Language
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Look Down
Look Away
Step Back (Exception)
Touch mouth, nose, throat
Clench Fist
Cross Arms
Hands on Hips
Point (Exception)
Hands in front of chest
Hands behind back
Positive Body Language Details
• Head Level = I will not be intimidated - I will be
treated as an equal or superior.
• Eye Contact = I have nothing to hide. I am not fearful.
(Beware of prolonged eye contact. This becomes a staredown and escalates into a power struggle. Maintain eye
contact for a few seconds, then look at the nose or cheek
then back to the eyes. Do not drop your eyes!!)
• Hands Down = I am not aggressive toward you at this
time. I do not feel threatened by you yet.
• Palms Open = I am presently receptive to your
concerns.
• Feet Shoulder Width = I am ready to take any
physical position which is most advantageous to our
confrontation.
• Head Cocked = I am presently interested in what you
are doing and saying.
• Arm fold with chin touch = I am evaluating the
physical and verbal comments you are giving me.
• Lean In = I am comfortable with who I am and the
situation I am facing. I am not intimidated.
• Nod Head = I am interested in what you are presenting
and understand that you have a concern. (Be careful here.
Do not nod your head when the other person makes a false
or accusatory statement.
• Rub Hands to End = Once you have made a
decision and have decided to end the confrontation, state
what your decision is while rubbing your hand softly in
front of you in a non-threatening manner.
Negative Body Language Details
• Look Down = I am submissive to you and your
confrontational attitude. You physically and emotionally
dominate me.
• Look Away = I am uncomfortable with the situation.
I
can’t look at you because you have more power. (Looking
away and also looking down at the same time is also a sure
sign of sexual dominance.)
• Step Back = I am afraid of you, the situation, or both.
(Remember, there is an exception to this rule which will be
discussed later)
• Touch Mouth or Nose or Threat =
Mouth = I do not approve of you and I am afraid to speak
openly. I am not sure of myself.
Nose = I am nervous about this confrontation. I am not
sure what is going to happen.
Throat = I am frightened by you and the situation I am in.
• Clench Fists = I am very angry at you and want to
punish you for placing me in this situation. I am more
powerful than you. I am in control.
• Cross Arms = I am defensive.
I have made up my
mind. I resist any attempt by you to communicate with me.
• Hands on Hips = I am in authority here and you are
subservient to my position. You have little or no standing
with me. I am going to be confrontational to you.
• Point = I challenge you to disobey me.
You are
subservient and must do as I say. I am your master.
(Remember that there is an exception to this rule which
will be explained later.)
• Hands in Front of Chest (Palms Out) = This
gesture is when the hands are close to the body. It is
universally interpreted as meaning I am not responsible for
what happened or is happening. Someone else is to blame.
I do not have control since its not my fault.
• Hands Behind Back = I am angry and have
something to hide from you. You can’t see the real me.
Verbal Control of Confrontational
Situations
• Body Language and voice control must be in harmony
with one another. Proper body language is rendered
impotent when accompanied by poor grammar and loss of
voice control.
• Stress causes the following physical reactions:
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Face becomes red and flushed
Body becomes ridged and stiff
Breathing becomes rapid and shallow
Eyes widen
Sweat breaks out
Voice escalates
Sentences become very short
Teeth clench
Verbal Control of Confrontational
Situations
• Almost all stress related reactions can be
controlled by breath control. You must
consciously breath. When you see or feel a
confrontational situation beginning to
develop, immediately take 1 or 2 deep
breaths and relax your diaphragm. Deep
breathing tells your subconscious that the
threat is over or lessened. This relaxes the
muscles of the face and vocal cords.
Verbal Control of Confrontational
Situations
• When you speak, speak from the diaphragm rather than the
throat.
• Imagine yourself speaking in a calm, confident manner.
Pause momentarily before you begin to speak.
• The faster and higher the other person in the situation talks,
the slower and lower you should speak. A deep, measured
voice is interpreted as being in charge and capable of
handling the situation.
• Use questions to deflect anger and diffuse focus.
Repeating a question back to the questioner often causes
that person to rethink their statement.
Verbal Control of Confrontational
Situations
• Do not make iron clad statements:
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I know
Always
Never
Won’t
• Make conditional statements:
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In my judgement
I think
In my opinion
It is my belief
The rule does not allow
By rule
According to rule
Verbal Control of Confrontational
Situations
• Do not use slang. Slang usage is seen as loss of control.
• Use command and control words when appropriate
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Stop
You
Here
There
Emphasize the command with the point.
• Never threaten
– State the behavior you want stopped and leave the other person to
imagine what the penalty might be.
– State the penalty and then enforce it no matter what.
Personal Space
• Personal Space in the U.S. is defined as approx. 3 to 4 feet.
Only you can determine if someone is allowed to invade
your personal space. In confrontive situations where your
personal space is invaded, especially when the distance is
less than 1 foot, and body language and verbal usage
indicate intimidation, ejection should usually be the result.
No matter what, you should not retreat, turn sideways, or
drop your head. Do not lean back no matter how close the
other person is to your face. Once you have decided that
the other person has had his say, do the following:
– Keep your head erect
– Take two steps back
– Turn 180 degrees and forcefully give the ejection signal away from the
person being ejected.
Personal Space
• Do not turn back around to face the person being ejected.
• Walk toward your partner. He should now intervene and
direct the person off the field. Walking away forces the
other person to chase you and this is seen as a subservient
position giving you control of the situation.
Bulk Up
• In a confrontational situation, you must appear larger than
you are.
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Head and eyes level
Shoulders back
Butt and Gut sucked in
Elbows out 6 to 8 inches from the body
Feet shoulder width. (Wider than shoulder width shortens your
height)
– Lean forward slightly. This causes you chin to thrust out slightly.
Chin thrust is one of the top 3 indicators of self mastery.
Slim Down
• The Bruffmann scale clearly indicates that for each 10
pounds you are over weight, your STATURE is reduced by
a factor of 10%. If you are 40 pounds over weight, your
effectiveness as a leader and authoritarian figure is reduced
to 60%.
• Bruffmann also shows that if you are involved in a
physical activity, STATURE is reduced by 15% for each 10
pounds over weight. Remember that you are involved in
an athletic contest where the participants spend many
hours preparing their bodies to act properly. An over
weight person is seen as incapable of “Keeping Up”
regardless of the level of competition.
• Note the attached BMI chart.
Pre Game
• Bruffmann’s 40 year study of authority figures and
confrontational situations show some interesting results.
– Your STATURE is determined in the mind of the “Subject”
(Bruffman calls those not in authority “Subjects”) in the first 1.5 to
3 seconds of contact.
– Once the “Subject” has mentally assigned a STATURE value to
you it is nearly impossible to change that value upward.
Confrontation only lowers the STATURE value. It cannot raise it.
– This means that as soon as a “Subject” sees you he assigns a
STATURE value to you which stays with you for a finite amount
of time.
– The danger for umpires and other officials is that they are often
seen before their entrance onto the field and the STATURE value is
assigned when the official may not even be aware of the
evaluation.
Pre Game
• Because STATURE is assigned upon contact, the following
ought to apply to all officials:
– When you contact anyone involved with the game, be on your best
professional behavior. If you contact the coach or administrator
wearing inappropriate clothing, inappropriate accessories, use
crude language or fail to use your body language in an appropriate
manner, you lose your effectiveness as a field administrator.
– When you walk onto the field, keep your head erect, eyes level and
walk with a brisk motion.
– If you go into the dugout and females are present, don’t go in
alone. Be completely professional in and around the dugout. Your
STATURE is being evaluated.
– Walk the field with your partner. Walk with head erect, eyes level
and gesture as you walk briskly.
Pre Game
• Everyone is looking for your weaknesses during the pre
game. Signs of weakness are:
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Weak handshake
Looking down or away during the pre game conference
Stuttering or stammering while presenting the ground rules.
Forgetting or mispronouncing the coaches name, your partners
name or the school name.
Fumbling with the lineup cards.
Not knowing how to end the pre game conference.
Not having the game balls
Fidgeting during the pre game conference
Inappropriate levity
Inappropriate comments
Pre Game
• Signs of Strength are:
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Know the name of the coaches and assistants
Know the name of your partner and introduce him
Clearly state the ground rules
Have the game balls ready at the plate if possible
Clearly and decisively answer questions
Know how to end the pre game conference.
Tidbits
• When behind the plate, don’t groom yourself. It is a sign
of nervousness and lack of confidence
• Never chase a player or coach after a confrontation.
• Try blocking the player or coach from the point of
contention. If there was a close play at home plate, try
maneuvering your self so that the coaches back is to the
plate. Move slightly away from the base or situation
where the controversy is located. (Do not appear to be
running away)
• Once you have made a call, you are only half way done.
Finish up by keeping head up, eyes level and focus on the
play. Once you are satisfied, hustle back to position.
Tidbits
• If you drop your head or lower your eyes after a call you
are asking for confrontation. You must hold your body
language until the focus is no longer on you.
• You must determine whether to meet a coach half way or
make him come to you. Never go to a coach because he
beckons to you or tells you to come. Generally you should
not meet a coach half way if he has had a temper tantrum
prior to his wanting to talk to you. Meeting him half way
confirms his control over you. If you make the coach
come to you, watch your body language as he approaches.
This is the time to take the deep breaths and go over the
play in your mind. Remember, head up, eyes level, palms
open, hands down, and feet shoulder width apart.
Tidbits
• Don’t fidget while on the bases. This is interpreted as
boredom and superiority. (I’m better than this. Your level
of play bores me.)
• The most intimidating thing you can do as an umpire is
wear sunglasses. We recommend it to everyone.
• According to Bruffmann, the single most destructive act
during a confrontation is the two hand dismissive, then
turning your back. Don’t ever do this. It may get you hurt.
• Make mentally sure that you really don’t care who wins or
looses. Failure to be absolutely neutral will manifest its
self physically at some point during the game.
DANGER! DANGER!!
• Here are some signs that a physical attack is possible but
not imminent:
– Head, neck, and shoulder go back. (The person is trying to make himself
look bigger)
– Face is twitching and/or jerking
– Lips are pushed forward so the teeth are bared.
– Breathing is fast and shallow
– Beads of sweat appear around neck and face
– Thousand mile stare
– Finger pointing / head pecking
– Giving excessive attention
– Sudden change in attitude from confrontive to docile
– Acts stoned or drunk
– Directs anger at inanimate items.
DANGER! DANGER!!
• Signs that a physical attack is imminent:
– Change of stance. Shoulder blades and body drop.
– Hands closed into a fist. Knuckles are tight
– Bobbing up and down or rocking back and forth. (This hides the
initial strike.
– Target glance. The person looks where he is going to hit.
– Puts chin down to chest. He is protecting his airway.
– Stops all movement
– Drops center of gravity.
– Shedds clothing
– Goes from full sentences to one syllable words or non-sense
DANGER! DANGER!!
• If you see any combination of the attack factors, the best
defense is to ask the person if he is going to attack. Just
say “You look like you are going to hit me. Are you going
to hit me?” This solves 90% of imminent attacks because
the element of surprise is removed.
You and the Law
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If you are physically assaulted, you MUST press charges. You are setting up
the next official for attack if you don’t.
In Texas, if you commit unwanted touching it is at least simple assault.
If you commit unwanted touching on a girl who is under the age of 18 and you
are an umpire on the field, you have committed at least 3rd degree sexual
battery of a minor. This is a crime of moral turpitude and disqualifies you
from public service for pay or volunteerism of any kind. You could never
umpire again. If you touch a player and make a sexually suggestive remark,
you are guilty of 2nd degree sexual battery of a minor. If it can be shown that
you have had physical contact with the girl before, you are guilty of 1st
degree sexual battery of minor.
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Simple assualt = 30 days in jail, $250 fine
3rd degree sexual battery of a minor = 1 yrs jail time, $1,000 fine
2nd degree sexual battery of a minor = 18 mo jail time, $ 2500 fine
1st degree sexual battery of a minor = 3 yrs jail time, $10,000 fine
Conclusion
• Always:
– Keep verbal language in harmony with body language
– Keep head up, eyes level, hands down, palms open.
– Act and be professional at all times
• Never
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Look down or away
Back Up
Instigate a confrontive situation
Hang you partner out to dry
Stature
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Integrity = This person will do what is right no matter what
Fidelity = This person will be loyal to their cause
Courage = This person will sacrifice in order to do what is right
Justice = This person will defend my rights and the rights of others
Patience = This person will not rush to judgement
Simplicity = This person will not make things more complicated
Consistency = This person will ALWAYS treat me and others fairly
Trustworthy = This person will do what he says
Physical = This person is physically capable if required
Knowledgeable = This person has studied and trained for this situation
Wisdom = This person knows how to apply knowledge

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