William Hanson, the author of a new book on etiquette, tells

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Daily Express Monday February 3 2014
Picture: TIM CLARKE
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MEETING PEOPLE: Have a
good handshake and say your
name clearly. Say, “How do you
do?” Not, “Pleased to meet
you” unless you’ve spoken to
the people previously, in which
case, “How do you do?” would
be stuffy. It is a rhetorical
question – you aren’t expected
to give or receive a reply.
DINING: If you sit at a table
and don’t know what to do just
watch what your hostess does
because even if she’s doing it
incorrectly she will think she is
correct, so you can bluff your
way through that meal then
research it better for the next
time. Say “pudding” not “dessert”
– pudding is pudding, dessert is
the fruit course. “If you ask the
Queen what’s for dessert she’d
probably say, ‘An apple’.”
<
TIQUETTE? Does it really
matter? Who cares if someone wears brown in town or
holds a teacup in the crook
of their finger instead of
pinching the handle daintily
between forefinger and thumb?
William Hanson is an etiquette
expert who believes it matters so
much he has made it his career. He
works as a consultant on the subject, makes regular appearances
on TV and has written The
Bluffer’s Guide To Etiquette.
William, blond and elegantly
casual, describes himself as “24
going on 54” and “a teacup and
saucer in a world of mugs”. A sense
of humour it seems is not incompatible with the rigours of etiquette.
It’s the first bit of good news.
It’s fair to say I’m a bit nervous
about meeting him. In fact I’m surprised at how belligerent I feel. I
have scored 80 per cent in a little
quiz he set me (which makes me
irrefutably middle class). I have
enjoyed a childhood of reluctant
thank-you letter writing, sat up
straight and held my knife and fork
properly and hobnobbed with the
occasional posh person without
coming to grief. I don’t fancy learning I’ve been doing it all wrong.
Not least because I have set
William a little trap. According to
the (very correct) instructions laid
out in his book, skirts should be to
the knee – any shorter is too short.
Mine is three inches off the mark
and worse still, rides up when I sit
down. I am also, in direct contravention of the rules, wearing three
large clacking bangles. Noisy jewellery is non-grata because it’s irritating to those around you. I’m
expecting a lecture. I don’t get one.
“Etiquette is about respecting
other people and putting them at
their ease,” William says when we
meet over afternoon tea at the
InterContinental’s
Westminster
hotel. “With phones, Facebook,
email and Twitter we are in contact with people all the time.
People can argue that it’s oldfashioned but it’s probably needed
now more than ever.”
?
IS manners are charming,
something to aspire to
rather than be intimidated
by. He is open, warm and witty and
the people around him including
me all behave a little more nicely,
more considerately.
“We judge people in a couple of
seconds,” he says, “so we do need
to get it right. There are some
people who can use etiquette divisively to belittle other people in a
nasty way and that’s not good
manners so we don’t encourage
that. The British in particular are
very snobby.”
Nor does he think that TV programmes such as Ladette To Lady
helped people’s perception of etiquette. In the programme bluerinsed ladies shouted at girls who
SOCIAL MEDIA: Avoid
attention-seeking posts at
all costs and do not use
Facebook language in polite
company. Never put a kiss at
the end of an email or text if you
wouldn’t kiss the recipient in
real life.
lactarianism) to stop the mug from
shattering. The rich with their
heat-tolerant porcelain could luxuriate in post-lactarianism. Heaven
knows what he would have said to
the late MP and enthusiastic ladies’
man Alan Clark who didn’t just put
the milk in before the tea but put
the sugar in before the milk.
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TOP HOST: William Hanson shares the etiquette of afternoon tea with Caroline Jowett
were not fortunate enough to have
their upbringing.
“That’s rude,” he says. “The
women in that programme shouted
at the girls and called them ‘tarts’
and ‘whores’. It was great telly but
it was selling out.”
He breaks his scone (cutting is
bad manners) and takes a sip of
tea. A Christmas gift of Debrett’s
Guide To Etiquette And Modern
Manners when he was a teenager
set middle-class William on his
mission. Now as a consultant for
The English Manner, a company
providing training in contemporary
etiquette, he travels the world
teaching people of all ages how to
behave nicely.
“Britain is seen as the brand
leader although our mantle as the
politest country is slipping hugely,”
he says. “Other nationalities don’t
want to be English, they just want
to copy our behaviour. On a diplomatic scale you can’t go wrong if
you do. And of course we have the
Queen who does everything more
or less perfectly.” The poster girl
for good-breeding and class.
He believes the recession, Downton Abbey and the royal wedding
have done a great deal to help.
“Since the recession we’ve gone
back to appreciating good manners and good etiquette because
they don’t cost anything. People
might be economically poor but we
can have manners and good behaviour for nothing. Whereas in boom
years we become very me, me, me
and forget others.”
People like making an effort and
going that extra mile for guests
and for themselves, he believes.
They like to operate within guidelines. Instead of thinking of good
manners as the password to a club
for snobs, think of it as a code of
behaviour which helps you put
people at their ease. If you are
posting on Facebook or Twitter for
example think first whether your
comment could cause hurt or
offence. If it will don’t post it. It’s
not rocket science.
Take table manners. Knowing
how to eat properly frees one up to
build a rapport with other guests
and that’s what matters. Many
management interviews for example are conducted over the dinner
table. “I do some work with one of
the big banks because a couple of
years ago at a dinner for graduate
trainees one guy was eating peas
from his knife. Now every year I
train 150 graduates in how to sit at
a table and how to eat. The schools
don’t do it any more and neither do
the parents so how are people
supposed to know?”
He takes another sip of Earl
Grey. He holds the teacup in the
proper way and corrects me very
gently when I don’t. Instead of
minding I ask “the milk before or
after” question. Apparently it’s a
class divider. Years ago when the
poor drank out of rough pottery
mugs the milk went in first (pre-
BÊTE-NOIR is the thankyou letter. “Technically if
you stay at someone’s
house for the weekend the form is
that you write a two-sided thank
you note and one side if you’ve just
been for dinner. Whereas any
thank-you letter is better than
none it’s amazing the number of
guests who don’t get it at all.
“After the last party I hosted I
got one thank-you letter. I did get
texts and tweets but nothing at all
from about half the guests. The
fact that someone bought a stamp
and got out some nice notepaper
or a card and put in some effort
when I’d been slaving away for
days was really appreciated. I will
remember the people who did and
invite them to more dinners and
think better of them. People appreciate thank-you letters because
they are such a rarity.”
A couple of days after we meet a
hand-written thank-you letter
arrives on my desk. Do I think it’s
too formal? Out-dated?
No. I’m thrilled and flattered
that he bothered.
¬ Bluffers Guide To Etiquette by
William Hanson (Bluffers Guide
Ltd) is available at £6.99 with free
P&P. Call 0871 988 8451 or visit
www.expressbooks.co.uk. You can
also send a cheque or PO (payable
to The Express) to: The Express
Orders Dept, 1 Broadland
Business Park, Norwich NR7 0WF.
¬ÊAfternoon Tea is served daily
from 2pm until 6pm in the Lobby
Lounge at InterContinental
London Westminster. During
February the champagne tea costs
£30 per person. Book at
westminster.intercontinental.com
or call 020 3301 8080.
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